- Operator - "Are you still holding?"
Jack Gable - "I've got somethin' for you to hold, lady..."
Operator - "Sir, if this is an obscene phone call, we have ways of tracing it."
Jack Gable - "I want you to trace it. I demand that you trace it! My address is…" (Cut off - Screaming)
- Cable Man - "Geez, what a body!"
Jack Gable - "Laura is more than a body."
Cable Man - "Laura?"
Jack Gable - "Laura Claybourne, she plays Rachel."
Cable Man - "Sorry, you must really follow this shit."
Jack Gable - "No, I write this shit."
- Louise Fletcher - "Yes, mom I got the brownies... And the mace... Mom, will you please stop worrying? Everyone gets mugged here at least once a week."
- Mickey Schwartz - "Jack, when are you gonna stop kidding yourself?"
Jack Gable - "What are you talkin' about? There's nothin' goin' on between me and Laura."
Mickey Schwartz - "I know that. But do you?
- Narrator - "Billionaire patriarch, Carter Hedison, having recently recovered from a brain tumor, battles death once again as his ambitious daughter Rachel plots her next move."
- Jack Gable - "Jesus! When did we build this? We're gonna go way over budget!"
Helen Caldwell - "I don't understand. His tests were normal."
- Jack Gable - "I am dead! I'm in Hell! And my punishment... is to spend eternity on my own show!"
- Jack Gable - "He's operating on people? He's an actor! He's not even a good one!"
- Dr. Paul Kirkwood - "I'm sorry, Helen. I've got to see Carter Hedison."
Helen Caldwell - "Carter? Or Rachel Hedison?
- Ty Hedison - "Daddy! I found out who Janet Dubois is selling her father's formula to! It's Jack Gates!"
Carter Hedison - "The Wolf of Wall Street?
- Ty Hedison - "I suppose that's why she committed suicide... If it was suicide."
Carter Hedison - "For the very last time... I did not hire Dash Andrews to kill your mother."
Ty Hedison - "If she was my mother!
- Jack Gable - "I'm a writer! Do you hear me? All I wanna do is get outta this stinkin' little town!"
Janet DuBois - "Well, then, do it! I mean, you say you're a writer then... write your way out!"
- Jack Gable - "Ohh! Why didn't I write myself back to the stable?!"
- Blake Hedison - "When are you going to stop this madness with Rachel?"
Ty Hedison - "Nothing happened at the Mardi Gras."
Blake Hedison - "She's your sister!"
- Ty Hedison - "Watch it, Blake, or I'll give you a headache you won't forget."
Carter Hedison - "You lay one finger on him, Ty..."
Ty Hedison - "Always protecting Blake, Daddy! Sometimes I wish I wasn't your son." (pausing) "If I am your son."
- Jack Gable - "Of course. It's Fetterman again!"
- Lou Riley - "When did you start carrying a knife?"
- Carter Hedison - "Rachel, I'm not buying any more of this crap."
- Rachel Hedison - "So, the mysterious stranger rides to the rescue again."
Jack Gable - "Madam, this stranger knows no danger. I am much stranger than you think."
- Rachel Hedison - "What is it, Daddy? Is something wrong?"
Carter Hedison - "The cable TV man is coming."
Blake Hedison - "But don't you have to go the stockholders' meeting."
Carter Hedison - "You know how hard it is getting those guys to come out. I've got black bars on two and seven."
- Ty Hedison - "No, there's more. Gates has all these crazy notes. He knows everything about us. He knows about our phony drug tests, your brain tumour, and even my... my..."
Dr. Paul Kirkwood - "Amnesia!"
- Carter Hedison - "What does that man want? Is he out to break us or to see us in jail?"
Dr. Paul Kirkwood - "If I can't have Rachel, I don't care about jail! And I hope your cable man never shows up!"
- Carter Hedison - "You can't even do that right, can you, son?"
- Jack Gates - "This nebbish has been masquerading as me, and you believed him?"
- Jack Gates - "I have to go to... Cleveland? Jesus, I hate Cleveland."
- Deborah Nordoff - "Almost killed with the engaging thoracic surgeon was his philanthropist socialite fiance, Rachel Hedison, daughter of industrialist and well-known socialist... socialite, Carter Hedison. From Ashford Falls Falls, this is your Ashford Falls reporter, Debbie Nordoff."
- Rachel Hedison - "When I'm with him, it's as if... I don't have a mind of my own. He has this... strange power over me."
Blake Hedison - "Maybe he's a Scientologist?"
- Ty Hedison - "Golly, I've missed you. Remember the time I was gonna ask you to the prom?"
Janet DuBois - "And your father wouldn't let you."
Ty Hedison - "Uh, no. No, th-that's not true. That was the time that I got... I got, um..."
Edward Ashworth - "Amnesia, sir."
Ty Hedison - "Remember?"
- Dr. Paul Kirkwood - "I thought you were announcing our engagement. Why did you ask him to play the piano?"
Carter Hedison - "I didn't. I also didn't ask him to sing "Send In The Clowns" either."
- Ty Hedison - "So, Janet, while you're here, maybe we could go horseback riding."
Janet DuBois - "I don't think so."
- Dr. Albert Waverly - "I just want you to know how much I enjoyed your playing."
Jack Gable - "Oh, thank you."
Dr. Albert Waverly - (confused) "The elderly man exits."
Jack Gable - "Great! Now I got 'em talking stage directions!"
- Rachel Hedison - "What is going on around here?"
Wendell Vaughn - "The bartender needs more cold deer."
Jack Gable - "Not deer! Beer! It's a typo! Use your head, for Christ's sake!"
- Voice - "Paul doesn't know the Heimlich?!"
Dr. Paul Kirkwood - "Well, of course I know the Heimlich. I know the Heimlich. I know the Heimlich! Jim, you know I know the Heimlich. Look, I love the Heimlich! I'm always doing the Heimlich. It's one of my favourite maneuvers! I'm a medical doctor!"
- Helen Caldwell - "Mr. Hedison... Blake... I see you're still under Dr Kirkwood's care."
- Ty Hedison - "Dad, you're not gonna stop me this time. I realized tonight that I'm still in love with Janet, and that I always will be!"
Carter Hedison - "Of course you're in love with her! She's your sister!"
- Dr. Paul Kirkwood - "It was Rachel! Rachel made me do it!"
Blake Hedison - "Rachel... That slut did this?"
- Rachel Hedison - "Oh, no!"
Jack Gable - "What is it now?"
Rachel Hedison - "I forgot my shoulder pads."
Jack Gable - "Who gives a shit?!"
- Jack Gable - "Janet, what are they doing to you?"
Janet DuBois - "By the way, our deal's off, Gates. The formula stays in the family and I get... fifty percent."
Carter Hedison - "She's a Hedison all right!"
- Jack Gable - "Can you stop the bleeding?"
Rachel Hedison - "Yes, Paul, stop the bleeding. She's ruining the parquet floor!"
- Ty Hedison - "But don't you see? If Janet is my sister then I still have a chance with Rachel!"
Orderly - "I'll make sure he's well taken care of!"
Carter Hedison - "Don't bother."
- Carter Hedison - "Where the hell have you been?"
Ashford Falls Cable Guy - "How ya doin'?!"
Carter Hedison - "I'll tell you how I'm doing. I've got a black bar on two and seven. It's in the study."
- Maury Gifford - "This is delicate work, you moron!"
Jack Gable - "Stop yellin'! You're makin' me nervous!"
- Jack Gable - "What are you doing here? I sent you to Cleveland."
Jack Gates - "I should kill you for that alone. I want that formula."
Jack Gable - "Oh... go do a mini-series or something!"
- Jack Gates - "Nobody... crosses Jack Gates."
Jack Gable - "Fine! "Nobody crosses Jack Gates." Great line."
- Mickey Schwartz - "Jack? You okay? Somebody said you got hit by a truck."
Dennis Graham - "Trunk!"
Mickey Schwartz - "He got hit by luggage?"
- Lou Sherwood - "All right, I agree. You wanna die on a sandwich you shouldn't even be eating?"
- Jack Gable - "Look, the part of the lesbian maid is taken, but I'm gonna get you Janet."
Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.